Together4Bristol : 5 Ways for Couples to Keep Love Alive

5 Ways for Couples to Keep Love Alive

Life on autopilot…

Have you ever felt like life is just dragging you from one day to the next?

Those patterns of waking, going through the motions of the daily routine, sleeping and repeating. You may find yourself uttering phrases like, 'How is it already the weekend?', 'How is it already Monday?', 'How are we already so close to Christmas?', 'How has it already been twenty-five years since the Millenium!??'

And so it goes.

The thing is – life is often incredibly busy and for many of us, our ability to be creative with downtime will have diminished as our responsibilities have grown.

For those of us in a relationship, that can be all too true with finding quality time together. It’s not that we don’t want to spend time with our partner or that we don’t want to do fun things together. It’s just that … well … we’re tired from all the other stuff!

It takes effort to pour in.

The reality is if we don’t make time to carve out moments away from distractions, like our screens, we may start to feel more distant from our significant other.

It’s often not something we notice quickly.

At Care for the Family, we know it as the ‘creeping separateness’ because it can be a slow corrosion over time.

So how can we disrupt the creep and inject moments of value back into our relationship?

Here are 5 ways to stay connected as a couple

1. Take ten minutes a day to have a chat

The time you spend talking is of course up to you, but if finding time together is proving difficult, start with something manageable. The point is for it to be an undistracted check-in. Have a look at these simple questions to ask one another.

2. Defend your time

This one is especially important for the busy couples. It’s all well and good when you’ve finally nailed down the date night in the diary, but all too often we can be quick to give it away for things that at the time seem reasonable. It isn’t always that we don’t have the time, it’s that we don’t choose to prioritise it.

Yet in the grand scheme of things, if you don’t fight for your relationship who will? Read more on how to stay connected in the busyness of life.

3. Kiss more (and for longer!)

Research shows that a good six second kiss with your spouse (no, not just a peck on the cheek) helps keep you both locked in. And not just once a month or once a week, but daily!

This simple, physical act of affection brings out one of our favourite hormones, oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. It can build a ritual of connection, boost fondness and admiration and adds to your emotional bank account. Go on, give it a go!

4. Be quick to apologise and forgive

When we’re feeling disconnected from our partner it isn’t unusual to find that arguments crop up more than before. Somehow, they misunderstand our words or how we mean to come across, and this can build ongoing frustration.

But couples should compete to say, ‘I’m sorry’ first. Breaking the seal of apology swiftly stops the little things from becoming big arguments. Similarly, accepting our partner’s apology clears the air and allows you both to move forward together.

5. Love with the will when the going gets tough

Years ago, our founder Rob Parsons asked a young man determined to walk out on his wife, why he was leaving her. The man said he didn’t feel in love anymore.

Rob replied, ‘Didn’t you know the feelings of love go up and down? That sometimes you have to love with the will, and not just the heart? That you have to fight to keep love alive?’. The man replied, ‘No, nobody told me that.’

Choosing to love when the feelings fade can bring couples through tough seasons. Practically this means we love by giving the relationship time, speaking positively to each other and doing thoughtful things that you know the other appreciates.

Find more relationship building articles and blogs on our website, or check out our latest couples event Going the Distance. This event will give you tools to stay intentional and prioritise one another.

Married with Kids Podcast

We are developing a new podcast series focused on the middle years of marriage for couples with children, and we need your help!

Many couples have great marriages, and the addition of children can be a real joy. But we also know that relationships can struggle after kids come along, and for many couples, it can be a period of life that’s just too busy, and what was once a great relationship can start to feel like it’s just 'going through the motions'.

We want to make a podcast to help couples to keep going through the challenges of raising children, and to make the most helpful content possible, we’d love your input.

If you’re in, or have been in this stage of life (married with children), would you give us five minutes of your time to fill in an anonymous survey, to help us better understand some of the challenges faced?

Thanks, we so appreciate it!

Take the survey

_{Posted: October 2024}